This war is noise.

Day 29 – Goals for the next 30 days.

- I want to finish tidying my room.

- Want to finish at least one of my foil art pieces.

- Possibly finish ff13 since I have almost finished the training I wanted to do xD

- Go somewhere new.

- Start this new progam to help with my life.

- Continue to make progress with counselling.

- Find more out about myself.

- Increase my fitness levels again.

- Have more control over my food again.

- Meet up with Sara at least once.

I think thats good for goals for a month xD lol.

Day 28 – Something that you miss.

I think right now, I miss certain parts of my life that fell out when I got ill, like alot of my confidence in myself, and having more friends in my life, having an active social life even in the small realm that it was.

Theres alot I miss but I also realise that I’ve moved on and changed. In good ways aswell as the negative health stuff and all that.

And especially with my counselling and such, Im continuing to make progress. :]

Day 27 – A problem that you have had.

I suppose a very big problem, and one of the most life affecting, is what happened with my spine.

Perfectly normal for almost 18 years of my life, apart from a couple occasions of back pain.

I was at a uni open day, just started the term, beginning of upper sixth year.

I had been fine the first half of the day, and at the time was sitting on a step talking with two of my friends.

I went to get up and my back just went. I didnt understand it at the time, that I was having trouble walking, moving even, having alot of pain.

I went to see a doctor, after things not improving for a couple of days. He told me I had growing pains. I havnt trusted him since.

Within 2 weeks I went to see a different doctor, who said I should get to hospital ASAP.

For the first 3 months or so, I wasnt told anything, just had lots of tests.

Only found out when they started looking for other things, that they’d first been looking for cancer.

With my age, which was still 17 at the time, and how quickly it happened and how bad it was, they were almost assuming it until they completely ruled it out. And of course they dont tell you either way until they are sure, so as not to frighten you.

After that, I soon found out I had 3 prolapsed discs, which were pressing on my sciatic nerve on the left side, and had a scoliosis.

I spent two years in pretty much isolation, apart from a couple of random visits from friends, and appointments for physio and tests.

The person I seen most was my brother, who helped me as much as he could, going to tech and things.

But I was largely forgotten about, and when I did try and go downstairs or something, I was quickly told to go back upstairs by mum.

She really let me down during the time I was really ill, giving me barely any help at all.

Especially when my 19th birthday was completely forgotten about.

Its upsetting to think about even now, especially when she couldnt even be bothered until april, when it was in january.

After I agreed an operation looked like the only option to improve my life, I ended up being lucky, getting an appointment with one of the english doctors making surgeries back and forth to lower waiting lists, and had spine surgery in a BUPA hospital in yorkshire, by a pretty amazing doctor.

:]

Day 26 – What kind of person attracts you.

I’d say for me, personality has alot to do with it.

I like intelligent people, usually musically inclined or artistic people.

Not a fan of cockyness or arrogance.

Or major vanity.

Easy going, funny, warm, kind, considerate.

Tend to like blonde haired, blue eyed guys, but it sometimes changes.

Tall obviously, considering im 6ft.

Also like nice jawlines and hands. I know, Im odd lol.

And I kinda prefer guys that pursue me, that one I would need to.

Also like mature guys, not about games.

:]

Day 25 – Someone who fascinates you and why.

Im not sure I am fascinated by anyone currently. x]

Day 24 – Your favorite movie and what it’s about.

This is hard for me as I have several favourite films.

I love My Neighbour Totoro, Legend, Labyrinth, Alice In Wonderland.

Aswell as that, I love 10 things I hate about you, The Notebook, Cruel Intentions, The Breakfast Club, Interview with a Vampire.

…I have too many favourites xD so I cant really explain all those!

Day 23 – Give pictures of 5 guys who are famous who you find attractive.

I wont put these in order of attractiveness or anything, just when they first come to mind lol.

1. Jared Leto.

2. Johnny Depp.

3. Heath Ledger. [Dunno whether this would count, but I genuinely thought (and think) he was (is) beautiful.]

4. Chad Michael Murray [I think if you watch One Tree Hill and like it alot, kinda hard not to end up with some sorta crush on him lol.]

5. Gustav Wood [From Young Guns.]

Day 22 – How have you changed in the past 2 years?

This seems like such a large question for me.

I had to get used to being upright and straight again after my spine surgery, do all my physio etc.

Also went through a gallbladder operation.

Alot of changes have been in the last 8 months with my counselling.

Beginning to change my views on my own life and deal with my depression.

Dealing with having an eating disorder.

Being in touch with people more.

I’ve let go of alot of things in the past. Im more open, a little less stressed.

Little less hopeless.

Cos I did feel hopeless for the longest time.

Things definitely have changed for the better :]

Day 21 – One of your favorite shows.

I would say that considering its the only show I have loved enough to want all the boxsets, One Tree Hill would be a favourite show of mine.

I think the actors, the story and characters, the music and just the entire thing really spoke to me at the right time.

It really hits me more than anything else has seemed to.

I dont think I’ve cried so much at anything else lol.

I really relate to aspects of a few of the characters. The most I’d say would be Peyton.

If only I could get a guy like she does huh