This war is noise.

It doesnt feel real.
December 7, 2009, 10:54 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

With the medication, the pain, lack of sleep, and half blurry vision.

None of this feels real.

Its like some lucid dream.

I dont want things to be this way.

I closed my eyes for 10 mins and my head played out a short scene, pictured myself walking into an appointment with my doctor and telling her nothing was working, and that I just wanted to be euthanised.

Then there now, I read one of the new PostSecrets, and it was about how a guy wished his sister had been an “almost” suicide cos he didnt know what he was going to do without her in his life.

I guess I think my brother would be stupid enough to think like that too lol and it upsets me.

Cos things are so difficult and Im so tired of fighting.

Im so tired of being left on my own to be in pain and deal with it myself.

And when they do ask how I am, its in almost an accusatory tone, like its my fault.

I dunno what Im supposed to do, or what Im supposed to be.

Im turning 21 in less than a month. How did I even get here?

Im not handling. Im really not.


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