This war is noise.

Holy head explosion.
January 28, 2010, 8:57 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Awkward conversations, angering conversations, and lack of conversations.

That is what has been plaguing me lately lol.

I’ve been getting back to playing Legend of Dragoon finally, moving forward, hurrah!

Also about to achieve other ambitions, either today or tomorrow, which I shall be keeping to myself about. :]

I havnt talked to Nathan in 6 days. I dunno whats going on.

Hit a whole new awkward with Vincent.

Wrote a letter I might never post.

Havnt slept.

I feel ill, sore, mentally drained.

I mean, frith lol.

Watched Labyrinth this morning to feel better about things, helped :]

Belly’s going away soon, bad times lol might just have to avoid online a bit more in order to stay sane lol.

Hope all is well :]

I cant sleep.
January 25, 2010, 6:17 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Time really escapes me sometimes lol, been trying to sleep since half 11, 12.

White Oleander is a good film :] thinking of getting the book.

I had a healthy, necessary conversation with mum.

I did some baking today too, had my first go at icing aswell, turned out grand.

My back gave me alot of bother today, think its cos the house has been cold.

Im tired but cant sleep, gah lol.

Vincent and me keep arguing, its getting ridiculous. Im at the point where I dont even care.

Havnt talked to Nathan in 3 days.

Least I have Belly lol.

Hopefully this week will be the start of a positive change.

Everyday Is Like Sunday.
January 18, 2010, 3:32 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , ,

Trudging slowly over wet sand
Back to the bench where your clothes were stolen
This is the coastal town
That they forgot to close down
Armageddon – come Armageddon!
Come, Armageddon! Come!

Everyday is like Sunday
Everyday is silent and grey

Hide on the promenade
Etch a postcard :
“How I Dearly Wish I Was Not Here”
In the seaside town
…that they forgot to bomb
Come, Come, Come – nuclear bomb

Everyday is like Sunday
Everyday is silent and grey

Trudging back over pebbles and sand
And a strange dust lands on your hands
And on your face…
(On your face …)
(On your face …)
(On your face …)

Everyday is like Sunday
“Win Yourself A Cheap Tray”
Share some greased tea with me
Everyday is silent and grey

I wish I knew.
January 18, 2010, 1:20 pm
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I wish I knew if there was something even worth holding on for.

I hold on, but for nothing.

Day in, day out, no one cares.


I feel really bad right now.
January 14, 2010, 10:14 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I spend so much time alone.

No one would even…

Why didnt they ever ask..?

I wish I’d never..


Im so over this.
January 13, 2010, 9:21 am
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Arguments and uncertainty can just go away.

Avoid me for a day, go for it.

I honestly had a less stressful day because of it.

I feel blah, but not in an entirely negative way.

Just in a cant be bothered way lol.

Social is sorted, at least for now.

I swear if I get anymore bother from this shit -.- lol.

Internet failing for 2 hours on sunday rather bugged me, I think the actual provider or whatever was the problem, so no amount of resetting, which I did lol alot of, and my back hated me for it, would change anything. I watched Dumbo though while I was, and it made me feel a bit better x]

I then argued with a certain person, which carried on on monday, and left us not talking yesterday lol. Whatever.

I dont need this.

Its so much better to deal with yourself first.

I’ve been listening to Morrissey. ❤

“Everyday is liiike Sunday, everyday is silent and grey.”

Think I post the lyrics of that one, cos I’ve rather taken to it.

Think Im going to tidy and bake today, lol housewife 101 there.

Eugh lol.

Had to avoid my aunts yesterday too, which wasnt too hard for me, more so for my brother though since they went and called him down, when hes got the flu and was in the shower lol purely to see his hair.


Esp Mum even allowing that situation to occur.

I have one side of the family as my family as far as Im concered.

Also finally took some newer pictures of myself.

First of being 21 years old.

I actually dont look so bad lol.

Anyways, enough of this semirant lol.

Hope all is well :]

Things get strange.
January 8, 2010, 3:35 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Ok so I have to blog properly, this is ridiculous.

I used to write tons, everyday.

And I’ve just got so..blah lol.

Ok so update on the birthday situation. Although it happened late [better late than never] Mum finally came and talked to me at 5pm and I got 2 cards, money from mum [which she was planning to take back from me to get a boombox today, and she tried and they were sold out, which fails lol but I still has the money so, whatever lol] and money from Nanny, then my aunt sent down my christmas/birthday presents which she brought back from florida – two pairs of earrings [one with a matching necklace] and a ring :] also I started getting more happy birthday wishes and generally felt less like hell. Which is always good.

Tuesday morning[5th], Nathan appeared, after disappearing on my birthday after barely talking to me an hour and a half randomly, think he said someone came and signed in while he was brbing? Lol whatever, anyways, he was upset, so I helped him lol didnt ask how my birthday went or anything…but yeah. He was in a bad way and I was hardly not going to listen to him, right?  He said he’d come back later on that evening after my assessment was over and done with, still have heard from him and its now friday. Meh.

I had the assessment, it, I dunno, I got a vibe the whole time that what was gonna come out of it, wasnt going to be good. Me and mum managed to make it down the hill without falling to our doom on the snow, some cars didnt have such luck though, having accidents cos the roads hadnt been salted at all. And this is at like 9:45am. Ridiculous. Anyways we got the bus, which was fine, though I got sore, hour long journeys in the cold are not something Im going to want to do often, esp since I hadnt slept either. Well we got to the city, found the assessment place, I was called in by a really awkward doctor, I think I answered his questions alright, but you know when someone is acting kinda nervous or awkward, it kinda puts you on edge too? Yeah. I really wish I’d got a lady too. But whatever, I also had an examination which I wasnt aware of. Kinda made me wish I’d done my legs but whatever lol. Blue hospital gown in below freezing temperatures, thats what we all want yeah -.- lol.

I was happy to get out of that, the nicest part was going back to the bus station and watching the pigeons, they get so close! Inside too, they just run about where they want. Which for some hasnt turned out well I think, there was a pigeon with no toes on both its feet, and two pigeons with only one leg/leg and a small stump. Was weird, dont think I’d ever seen that before. Mum fed them a bit too with some of her coconut macaroon thing lol. The bus home dragged a bit cos the driver stopped at a depot for awhile, which in my current health condition wasnt the bed but, we were around nice enough people and everything so it was alright.

I was so glad to get home, I was freeeeezing. But I wasnt so glad to see that there was a notice that they’d brought my moogle and had to take it back to the post office as it needed to be signed for, drat. I pretty much went straight to sleep when I got back.

Wednesday, 6th, nothing really happened apart from we took down the decorations and I stayed up for over 24 hours, and I couldnt understand why. Plus a certain guy is getting rather close to me. My brother however vomitted violently for the first time due to alcohol lol was so weird/funny hearing that.

Yesterday, pretty much again, nothing much happened for most of the day, mum was out alot, generally was boring, apart from the conversation :] andddd, my mum got my moogle! 😀 I love it, lovelovelove adorable, so effing cute, LOVE.

And today I shall be shopping huzzah! Which is always good.

Think Im gonna go shower, then sleep, if I can, before shopping. x]

Hope all is well with everyone, finally, decent length blog!

Im 21 today.
January 4, 2010, 4:29 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Anyone that has said happy birthday to me doesnt even live within the country.

I’ve been left alone all day.

I dont matter to anyone.

At all.

I wish I didnt feel so bad.

But I do.

All I’ve done today is cry or sleep.

I want to die.

I actually, want, to die.

I dont care, if you dont –
January 2, 2010, 3:04 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

I dont care, if you dont,

I dont care if you dont carrrre.

Turning 21 in two days.

No one cares.

Whats the point lol seriously.