This war is noise.


7 mins late.
March 31, 2010, 11:19 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

So now its been over a week, this is the beginning of the 8th day.

Though I wasnt technically online half of today as my laptop decided to update and restart itself, and didnt sign itself in afterwards while I was asleep.

How very rude, huh? 😛

The reality further set in today, seeing the notice in the paper.

Nice to see that this guy is actually being acknowledged.

Also realising no ones really bothered about talking to me, about knowing me or anything I have to say or think.

I feel invalid or void.

But no one cares how I feel either, right.

Im ready to freak out at the smallest things atm.

I feel on edge and stressed constantly.

Like I only actually relax when Im asleep.

Emphasis on when.

Takes me long enough to get to sleep.

People are here to either fuck you up or just fuck you.

Then fuck you up afterwards.

Selfish and unkind.

Why have I ever held out this long?

Why have I ever thought things would get any better?

Why am I still here, even now?

I’ve no idea.

None.

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So whats been going on.
March 30, 2010, 12:25 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Resonance of Fate watching.

My brother beat DW:Strikeforce finally, which was good.

Chapter 11 of ff13, training time again I think.

Alot of pains, some Im talking about and some Im not, cos it scares me.

And as soon as I’d say something, my life could drastically change.

Im gonna deal with it myself.

Take the responsibility and see if I can help first.

Sleeping has been up and down.

Woke up to some money this morning though, which is a welcomed help.

I have to start making more positive decisions.

Practice what your preach.

And for friths sake keep your phone in your handbag, huh? 😛



Its so up and down.
March 30, 2010, 12:16 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

You put yourself in a position of where you need communication and trust.

And you have a hook another person does not, where you can verify both, without taking the other persons word.

You hurt yourself, and you know you do.

You take the word and you read another.

You want to talk about it, and then you dont.

You wanna deal with it, and then you dont.

You have it in the front of your mind, and you have it in the back of your mind.

Drama. The good and the bad.

You can reach out, but you cant directly.

And your heart just sits in all the whatthefuckery.

Maybe you should accept it, maybe not, maybe theres nothing to accept.

Maybe you fabricate whats going on in your head.

Or maybe you dont.

Maybe…you dont.



Whoops, couple days lapse.
March 30, 2010, 12:32 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Sorry, I know, have to try and stick to this here.

I’ve just had alot going  on in my head and such. And just in general.

Almost a week since we’ve talked, though that hasnt been in the front of my mind as much.

Another guy hanged himself at the castle :/ my age too.

I think it weirds me out cos I know how he feels in a way, not as far as the circumstance, or what came about to push him over the edge, just the actual feeling itself.

Didnt know him personally, though it weirdly affects me just the same.



A fog in the glass.
March 27, 2010, 12:28 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

The world is a beautiful place.

Harsh, cruel, stunning, colourful, dangerous.

I sit, merely an observer.

The world passes me by, and I have no real choice.

The worlds interest in me has gone.

Family, tied mainly only in blood.

Friends, tied mainly only in memories.

Events, only in the past.

I am left with blurry vision, pains and medication.

Medicated to watch the world float past in confusion.

Protesting only when the confusion increases personally.

21 and already irrelevant.

Peering as the world’s war wages beyond the window.

A fog in the glass.



A summary I dont want.
March 27, 2010, 12:05 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

My ultrasound results showed nothing unusual, so Im having the scope down.

Also been given another tablet to try and help.

Im having pains Im not telling anyone about, cos Im ashamed, in a weird way.

And Im scared about what it might mean.

So, so scared.

I have this horrid feeling Im just destined to suffer.

Destined to fail.



Go Do!
March 26, 2010, 9:21 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , ,

(Go : Go : Go : Kitty : Kitty : Kitty)

Go sing, too loud
Make your voice break- Sing it out
Go scream, do shout
Make an earthquake…

You wish fire would die and turn colder
You wish, your young, could see you grow older
We should always know that we can do anything

Go drum, too proud
Make your hands ache – Play it out
Go march through a crowd
Make your day break…

You wish silence released noise in tremors
You wish, I know it, surrender to summers
We should always know that we can do everything

Go do, you’ll know how to
Just let yourself, fall into landslide

Go do, you’ll know how to
Just let yourself, give into low tide

Go do!

Tie strings to clouds
Make your own lake – Let it flow
Throw seeds to sprout
Make your own break – Let them grow

Let them grow (Endless summers)
Let them grow (Endless summers)

(Go do endless summers)

You will survive, will never stop wonders
You and sunrise will never fall under

You will survive, will never stop wonders
You and sunrise will never fall under
We should always know that we can do everything

Go do!