This war is noise.


16 days.
June 30, 2010, 12:28 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Getting rather ridiculous huh.

Nothing I can do about it, which bugs me more, all I can do is wait.

I have had some positives though, got my vampire knight bag today.

Started reading the girl who played with fire properly.

Anderson randomly appeared again yesterday, he didnt seem so good, but I was happy to hear from him.

Had a bit of a weird morning, woke up at 1:30am, or a bit later, with a toothache.

Then when that died down, I felt really nauseous, which sucked cos I was trying to get my sleep back to normal x.x lol.

Hopefully things will continue to get more positive :]

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We’ve got to turn.
June 27, 2010, 11:17 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

I feel like things are closing in on me, never changing.

I wish this pain would go away.

My mind wont shift from it.

And the more I try to sing it away, the more relevant the lyrics coming from my mouth seem to be.

Please come back, it feels terrible like this.



Lucky 13?
June 27, 2010, 3:47 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Hopefully, considering its getting ridiculous. Almost two weeks.

I wish the feeling didnt appear.

The sinking, hurting feeling in my chest when I think about it.

Part of me doesnt want to feel anything right now.

Where are you?



Something positive.
June 25, 2010, 4:18 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

I finally got out of my bad feeling rut a couple days after my last post. And now Im feeling okay.

Certain theories have come to light in my head.

The timing for one, and a certain plan, could be the reason for such a long time.

10 1/2 days so far.

Shopping today, in 5 hours or so.

And the post :] which shall have stuff for meeee x]

I got Kingdom Hearts 358/2 days yesterday, along with ze guide, and have been playing it to pass the time this morning, been pretty good.

The intro was really good too.

And I like how its playing and stuff so far.

Yay Roxas and Axel xD and seasalt icecream.

Larxene is a total bitch >.> lol.

So far anyways.

Rewatched ghost in the shell, the first two films again. And I like them alot more the second time round.

Which Im glad of, since my brother got the two series that follow on from that, and last film, and this other thing, which we’re not sure if its a seperate film again or part of one of the series hes got.

Anyways! Looking forward to that.

Aswell as MGS Peacewalker, yayyy, interesting already too.

Like in the :O! way.

Shall be getting the new Vampire Knight book early xD cant WAIT.

And Im getting Alice In Wonderland on dvd [finally] anddd a saw doctors cd.

Oh and mums getting the princess and the frog.

[and Im getting a vampire knight bag] weeeeee lol.

Think it was time for some theraputic spending lol.

Though the ed hardy perfume I got was kinda that.

Looks pretty and smells so goooooooooood.

Anyways, far better mood now indeed.

And not letting things get to me.

For now.



I wake up everyday, hoping to..
June 20, 2010, 4:55 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

5 1/2 days, still no word.

Still feel down.

Conversation further proves I mean nothing to everyone.

Not priority, in some cases, not even so much as remembered.

I really want to die.

Really, really do.

There is no point in me living.



And you give yourself away.
June 17, 2010, 11:39 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I just keep being confronted with more evidence of me not mattering.

Or no one wanting me around, wanting to talk to me.

Generally just rejection, I suppose.

Been three and a half days since I’ve heard from him.

Been told to piss off by the one person I was talking a fair bit to.

Spent last night, 10 hours without internet, which was irritating as I was wide awake.

I managed to finish the book I’d been reading though, which is a positive.

I also watched Sweeny Todd finally lol I’ve had the dvd since it came out and hadnt even watched it xD its really good. I actually didnt see the end coming lol which is rare for me in those kinda films.

Avons sorted now.

I wish this down feeling would go away.

But I guess Im not getting much reason to change the feeling I suppose..

Ah well.



Almost halfway.
June 14, 2010, 2:38 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I was ill yesterday, certainly wasnt feeling too great.

I waited today to talk to him. Looking forward to it.

He appears, Im happy.

He says nothing for half an hour, then leaves suddenly without saying anything.

And he wasnt even online an hour.

Then I start crying.

I was told to go kill myself the night before last by another person.

Another person doesnt want to talk about whats bothering them, which is fine but I feel shut out.

And I havnt heard from another in half a month.

My mother is being difficult for the sake of it.

I feel like Im not really important to anyone.

I might be, or probably am,  blowing it up in my head but Im a person too.

I have feelings too.

And I feel like no one gives a fuck that I do.

No one wants to give a fuck.

Maybe I should take the advice.

I have the hospital tomorrow.

Almost feel like asking to be euthanised.

Who would even care?

I think the answer to that is what really upsets me.

Nobody.