This war is noise.


Ah, typical life lol.
September 28, 2010, 9:40 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

I wake up early by myself, thought I’d get myself ready long before I have the doctors later on.

And the doctor is ill, so not til Friday now lol.

Busy week no.2 starts tomorrow now x]

So today, relax and do well.

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Things addressed, thoughts expressed.
September 26, 2010, 10:04 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Counselling went well. Another thing tackled.

Trying to pinpoint things I’ve used as coping mechanisms.

I knew it’d come up sooner or later.

Food.

The starving and restricting.

Shes given me advice, shes trained to deal with eating disorders and stuff so.

Thats good :]

Also tackled something strange, that I didnt realise I did.

I avoid giving straight forward answers. And me thinking Im usually so direct.

But with adults, I guess I dont trust them enough or something.

Try and say what you think they want to hear.

And I use avoidance language to say things that imply what I really mean.

7 more sessions to go I guess.

I kinda wish I didnt have a limit, cos it makes me think of..what’ll happen next?

Can I deal with this in that amount of time?

If I cant, will I just be left?

I cant pay for it, so..

Is it pointless to begin with? Maybe I should ask that?

I think I will.

I’ve redyed my hair :] turned out how I wanted it to.

My brother made fifteens for us, and they’re pretty nice.

Bit heavy though.

Seasalt and black pepper wedges are super nice.

Getting over the flu I had now, though my hearing and smell and taste are still a bit dull.

Been watching Witch Hunter Robin, its really good.

And, might have a fantasy crush on Amon lolol.

How typical huh?

Theres always a character you end up really liking in animes though.

I missed him attempting to talk to me today, again, I think its 3 times in a week that thats happened lol.

I’ll get to talk to him tomorrow though :]

This week coming looks to be busy too.

Doctors tuesday, Job centre wednesday, counselling thursday, shopping friday.

I need to tidy out my room, seriously, I know I keep saying it lol but I really do.

Crackerbread and Coleraine mild cheddar is really nice.

I really want to draw characters from Legaia.

And maybe the coverart symbol.

Hope all is well :]



One down, two to go.
September 22, 2010, 9:58 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

So yes, busy week.

Had physio today, went really well, shes happy with how Im progressing, Im down almost 10 points as far as my pain goes, which shes super pleased about cos usually a 4 is significant improvement. And Im down alot of my psychological hangups too, as far as being afraid to move etc.

So thats one day downnnnnn, and I dont have to go back for 6 weeks now.

Tomorrow I have my appeal, not really looking forward to that at all.

I wonder does everyone who has to deal with this kinda thing feel this unsure of themselves.

Or this just…plain not ready? lol.

Then again, I felt entirely unready for highschool when I started, and I lived through that.

So I guess this one day event shouldnt be so bad.

Then I have shopping and my first actual session of counselling on friday.

Im looking forward to it, but not, cos I know things are going to be rough.

But its for my own benefit.

I cant believe I managed to miss talking to him yesterday, nerr, hopefully we’ll catch up soon, cos last time we properly talked was the 18th.

I caught up with christine today strangely, was a nice surprise, shes going to call me in about 10 mins or so I think.

Sorry I havnt been blogging much, I really should cos I could end up not putting down something that I’d actually quite like to remember.

Im reading a new book atm, Heartstone, its pretty good.

Im on the 3rd disc of ff8, last cave in rune factory harvest moon, and Im going to start KH birth by sleep soon…soon >.> lol.

I need to tidy my room.

I have to start taking walks aswell as doing my physio exercises more.

I think too much when trying to do lunges.

Im getting back into listening to music as much.

When I think about it, there have been pretty obvious signs that I have been severely depressed.

I was just retreating into nothing.

I’ve been kinda irritable this last week or so, I think its because after the assessment, and talking some stuff out, Im kinda getting other things coming back again, as far as feelings, instead of feeling just down, here comes a shot of anger? lol.

Still have some things on my mind that I want to deal with, but dont lol.

German sweets can be rather hard to get hold of.

Or just silly expensive.

Hope all is well :]



3 days, almost 4.
September 13, 2010, 11:24 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Hopefully I’ll catch up with him soon.

Stuff to report, well, I had that assessment on friday.

Went differently to how I expected, I reacted differently, talked differently lol.

And when I did the questionaires for clinical depression and anxiety, I got severe.

Severely clinically depressed.

Weird to have that there, out in the air now.

I’ll be having 8 actual sessions I think she said so, looking forward to those.

And she is someone I feel alright talking to, which Im glad of.

Its gonna be positive for me :]

I’ve been ill on and off all weekend, dunno whats up with me.

Shall be seeing the doc on thurs so hopefully I’ll be able to find out more.

Hope all is well :]



Well hello there crazy brain.
September 8, 2010, 11:11 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

So things kinda took a knock between me and him a little, I think I’ve sorted it, maybe?

Trying not to think about it.

Which is easier than you’d think right now, cos my brain has went into crazy overdrive over something else.

The past has this way of sneaking up on you sometimes, and making you go crazy lol.

And I literally did this time.

I see somebody, that I havnt actually talked to in a long time, that there could possibly be unfinished whatever with and I get seriously knocked.

I end up walking all over where I live. For an hour lol.

With my brain just racing and ending up so sore because of it, but I’d gone mad lol.

I need to just face it.

I really do.

Or its gonna plague me for even longer lol I mean when Im even having dreams involving the person, before randomly seeing them.

Its just, what am I even doing lol.

I really do need that counselling Im getting on friday x]



And so comes September.
September 4, 2010, 6:52 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Do you wanna dance tonight?

Do you wanna cross the line?

Wellll hello. It seems ages since I’ve written something here.

Been in contact a fair bit more with Sara lately, which is good.

I finally let something go about myself, and Im feeling better for it.

Counselling begins on the 10th sept. Less than a week away..thats kinda weird o.O lol.

I might have to change the day or time now that I think about it, cos thats a friday D: lol.

Only about 2 1/2 weeks til this whole appeal situation too.

Im sore D: lol.

Things between me and him have been really good :]

Brother has a job, woohoo.

Kingdom Hearts Birth By Sleep soon 😀

Hope all is well :]