This war is noise.

Merry Christmas?
December 25, 2010, 1:38 am
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Im hoping everyone had a good christmas this year.

So far I’ve been kinda disappointed.

Hasnt really felt like christmas leading up to it.

And this year is the first year I’ve been given any bad gifts. :/

I dont want to come off as ungrateful, cos Im not, but at the same time, it kinda reflects either that they dont really know me at all, or arent really bothered about what they are giving me.

Which is always a real contrast to me, cos I do think long and hard, and put plenty of effort into giving whoever I do get presents for,  a gift they will like and enjoy.

Kinda similar to the feeling of my 19th birthday, but obviously not as bad, as everyone forgot my 19th birthday…and that felt especially awful. Considering the circumstances.

I dunno how the rest of the actual day will play out but, hopefully it’ll be a bit cheerier than I feel now.


Down – Destine
December 18, 2010, 1:38 pm
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The covers are always better :] proof.

Been 10 days this time lol.
December 17, 2010, 2:23 am
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Im not exactly sure why I havnt been writing much in here, cos I have had stuff to talk about.

I’ve had a few days that were pretty good :]

Been talking alot more, counsellings going well.

Almost sorted for christmas.

Havnt heard from Nathan in 8 days now.

Im hoping I’ll hear from him soon.

I think I didnt type much for a little bit cos I felt a bit isolated? I wasnt hearing much from people, but in the past few days I’ve heard from people, even people I hadnt heard from in a long time, which has been nice :]

Tonight I guess I took to writing cos I was kinda sick of lying in bed crying.

I’ve been upset for a couple hours now really…having a down phase.

I have eaten well and stuff, its just, a certain conversation has started off a spiral of thoughts for me.

And so I started watching something to try and take my mind off it, but it kinda made things a little worse for me.

Not that Im not happy for the couple I watched lol esp a guy from where Im from, its reminds me of why I was sad in the first place.

Feeling like Im not going to be so lucky.

That Im going to have to struggle through my life on my own.

Because I get those thoughts alot. And Im aware of things that have contributed it, my entire life lol but yeah.

I just wish things were different I suppose.

Let it…snow?
December 7, 2010, 2:17 am
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Its been five days since the last post so, figured I better put something down x]

Its been snowing pretty heavy today, so Im not sure if I’ll have counselling tomorrow, I hope I will, but its been pretty heavy all over, and the buses and all stopped today lol.

New Blazblue game, its good, but infuriating lol.

Got the avon sorted, thankfully.

The house is decorated for christmas [: which is nice.

Bonnie had a bit of a scare with one of the decorations lol she was lying on the sofa asleep, and one of the star ceiling decorations fell off and landed on top of her, she races upstairs into my room, you’d have thought a person was rushing into the room, and I noticed her shaking, so I went downstairs and checked, then laughed so bad x] but she stayed with me that night lol.

Hot chocolate lipbalm is pretty nice [:

I’ve been kinda inspired to draw again, might start that up.

Reading Vampire Knight still [:

Hope all is well.

Yesterday was such a mix.
December 2, 2010, 10:44 am
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It was Sara’s birthday yesterday, she came down to visit :]

My brother came home early from work so, we were all home for her coming down.

We had lunch together, gave her her presents, which she loved ;D and then watched the end of a christmassy programme on disney. Thennnn, Sara suggested we make a snowman outside.

We’d never made one before, and although I knew it’d be a bit of a physical challenge xP I said well why not lol.

So we spent a good hour I think making it, turned out to be a snow lady x]

Sharon McSnowbust, shes pretty excellent lol.

So we’d had a really good day.

Then mum went ahead and made me pretty angry.

She had come back from my grandparents and said “Your nanny says you’ve to give me £200, and she’ll give me the other to get the oil filled up for the winter”. My reaction? Wtf.

For one, I am a person, not a cash machine A. you should fucking ask me rather than command me. B. you shouldnt use nanny as some sort of cover for you demanding money off me. and C. why are you putting nothing towards YOUR bill, and expecting everyone else to just bail you out?

And another thing, I have my own bills to pay, where am I supposed to pull that from?

I am not the new dad in this house, that you just demand money from and have no consideration for, so you can go and fuck yourself.

Went a bit like that.

My brother, for once, actually picked up on it and was pretty annoyed too, I think after I had the word with him, hes started noticing it aswell.

She likes to play someone off and isolate someone in the house, and its moved from dad to me, and it wont be, cos Im getting help and realising the situation, and Im also making my brother aware.

She did the same thing later on too, commanded me to do something instead of asking, its her whole attitude towards it.

And my brother noticed it again too.

So at least Im not alone in seeing whats going on.