This war is noise.


Unfortunately, ending this on a low.
January 31, 2011, 11:34 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

So I kept it, even though I was late on some occasions [one quite a long occasion..] I have a post for everyday this month.

Theres a big difference between the tone and mood from start to finish huh? lol.

And although I thought it couldnt have got too much worse…kinda felt like it did.

Mum completely disregarded how I was feeling about my situation today.

I stormed out and got things for myself, cos I decided if they werent going to consider me, I would stop looking for it.

I would do it myself.

I made the phonecalls I wanted to, which I hated doing, one resulted in a half victory…the other resulted in the douchebag not calling me back.

I kinda need you to, thursday is going to be one busy effing day.

I got my note posted.

Still no word.

I basically had someone tell me they didnt want to talk to me cos I would be a negative influence on them in their current state.

That sucked, and made me genuinely sad.

But I just said okay.

And cried a little.

When mum really pissed me off.

I said nothing.

Went into the bathroom, cos my brother was in my room playing dead space extraction.

And I cried.

And that was before storming out.

I heard about that 11 year old girl, and 13 year old boy killing themselves. And I cried a little.

Cos I honestly felt like swallowing a bottle of bleach today. Sat in the bathroom and looked at it for 10 mins quitely.

I feel so entirely unwanted.

I honestly dont think anyone, outside of my last remaining couple of friends that keep in contact with me –

And I really mean couple.. –

And my counsellor, think I have feelings at all.

I dont get treated like I do.

I get easily used and discarded.

Or just discarded.

Its so hard to try and tell yourself you’re worth something.

When you’re the only one trying.

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