This war is noise.


Caught up to a mixed feeling.
January 24, 2011, 11:32 pm
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Wayhey! I’ve caught up on my posts for this month 😀

Unfortunately, today wasnt so great to be talking about lol.

My back has still be stiff, sore, sad panda lol.

Got ready when I woke up and stuff, took the two cushions I’ve been sitting with at home in the car for the journey lol.

Also put my headphones in cos I didnt want to listen to my mum and brother talk about driving the whole way there, it gets fucking boring after a point, why not just drive and talk about something else? lol.

I was in pain so I was naturally disposed to be in a bad mood.

Then mum wouldnt let him drive to where we were going in town, had to be a few streets away, next to where you come into town, so again, wasnt impressed with that. So entirely selfish, and controlling, as usual.

Then went to the shop where my brother could trade in games and dvds etc which took such a longgggggggggg time lol.

Went around plenty of shops looking for shoes, no luck.

Was thoroughly depressed at this stage.

Then had to walk back to the car, in the rain.

Sore.

Annoyed.

Tired.

Just, bad times lol.

Headphones back in on the way back, and lyrics triggered me and tears just started coming down my face, though I was quiet, so no one noticed, even though I was only in the back of the car behind them.

I really felt incredibly sad, and not considered in the entire day.

Though my brother did spend a little money getting me FFX-2, so that was nice :]

But yeah, I felt really bad today.

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Unexpected pain.
January 23, 2011, 4:13 am
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I bent down to pet bonnie and pulled my back.

Pretty bad.

Havnt had pain like that in a very long time.

Have to have two cushions behind my back when i sit, using deepheat, taking painkillers on top of my morphine patch.

Couldnt imagine what the pain would be like if I didnt have that lol.

I did exercises twice and still walked the dog, which did help ease it.

Though I cant really bend at all.

Trying to sleep was also a nightmare, think I got to sleep around 5am, after trying since midnight D:

It has scared me a bit to be honest, but I think I can manage it.

And if I feel at some point I cant, then I’ll be going to the docs lol.



Quiet enough.
January 22, 2011, 3:53 am
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For some reason I dont remember much about Saturday lol.

We sorted out a shopping list so my brother could save a bit of the money he would normally put in to pay for his driving test.

We spent less than half what we usually do, so Im thinking lists are definitely a good idea.

Obviously the next one wont be as restrictive but they definitely help plan and make sure we dont overspend needlessly.

Apart from that though, I really cant think of much else.

x]



The Magdalene Sisters.
January 21, 2011, 3:37 am
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Watched this film recently the whole way through, which I’d only seen clips of beforehand.

Its truly an amazing film, also rather haunting for me, as y’know, Irish, women, the last laundry closed as recent as 1996.

And for all those directly affected by those laundries, being detained, worked, isolated, abused, I couldnt imagine anything but huge respect for the strength in them.

In the film, based on the real life experiences of 4 girls specifically, I ended up being drawn to Bernadette most, and I think the picture of her at the end where they freeze the film and put up the information, was the epitome of her, looking fierce and strong in the picture.

I love that she took an idea for what she wanted for her life, and made it real, by all the means necessary that she could.  That she stood up for her life, herself, and Rose.

That she really would have beat those nuns with the candlestick lol.

I would advise everyone to see it, get it on dvd, whatever, but most importantly see it because it truly does move you, if you have any sort of heart 😛

Hope all is well.



The last for the past four days.
January 20, 2011, 3:28 am
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So yeah, talked on the 16th, supposed to talk the next day, didnt happen.

Talked last to him on the 20th, supposed to talk the next day, still no word.

I really dont know where I am with that situation right now.

Especially since I should be disappointed, but, Im kinda not really.

I’ve partly disconnected myself from the situation.

Dunno whether thats good or bad at this point.

But I know I have to be concerned with myself first, so thats what Im doing :]

Hope all is well.



Friends and chicken.
January 19, 2011, 3:22 am
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So I woke up late, again…was quite a trend still from being down and having trouble sleeping.

Sara trying to ring me woke me up lol she was going to be here in just over an hour so I quickly had a shower and stuff, she arrived before I was ready but she had my brother to talk to for a little bit before I arrived.

We caught up for a bit, watched chav tv [Jeremy Kyle lol] aswell, then went into town and had CFC, chicken wings and a super chip, was actually really nice lol. And we had a more open chat then too about things.

Im finding Im getting better at talking about how Im feeling and thinking, rather than, in a weird way, assuming people know and sorta saying less?

Its a weird thing to think but, thats part of why Im in counselling lol.

Was nice seeing her :] I appreciate her making the effort to see me and stuff, esp with how things are with me atm.



Just for fun.
January 18, 2011, 3:13 am
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So even though I didnt have counselling this week, I still decided to go visit my great aunt like I normally would if I did.

I’d bought some stuff the day before to help her out with her church sale, sets and things that are appealing as prizes and also not too expensive or anything.

So when I brought that stuff up, she was very pleased :]

Picked up the avon orders, one I’d left behind, and a new one lol.

She fed me up a bit lol took me over to the supermarket and everything to get more stuff lol.

Also seen Jennifer, a woman I havnt seen since I was alot younger and staying with my great aunt during school holidays, when I used to go along to church to sing.

She was happy to see me, couldnt believe how much I’d changed lol. Understandable.

When I came home I did the avon, then realised I’d forgotten someones slip.

…and then someone handed in a late one.

So I just decided to do an extra order. Never had to do that before, but its a good thing the option is there I guess lol.

:]