This war is noise.


Coulrophobia- Fear of clowns.
April 20, 2011, 2:03 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

YOU SHOULD BE ASLEEP.

So here I am, feeling really dejected, removed.

Im barely keeping up with this food journal this time.

I dont exactly know why, but Im just getting bored of eating.

Bored of trying things.

I look at food and, I still dont get happy about it.

I look at myself and still think, how am I supposed to eat more.

I dont want to eat more.

I dont know specific portions, I know if the intention is to get me to eat more, it wont be eating more good things.

It’ll end up being bad things.

And I’ll gain weight, and hate myself.

And Im finding this all really, really hard.

Cos no one helps me. In fact, I get surrounded by sabotage.

Constant.

I dunno why I cant just do things, and feel how Im supposed to feel about it.

How when I think about just doing the food journal, my whole self wishes to repel it.

I dont like eating, honestly.

Cos I dont control it. I dont like what Im supposed to like, and I eat more of the things I shouldnt, than I should.

And I end up worse off for it.

I dont cook.

Im tired alot atm again.

Havnt even wanted to go walk the dog the last couple days.

I got faint during the couple days my red week got heavier.

8th-now. Almost 12 days.

Fairly long now I think of it.

Anyways.

I have to be up early…physio.

Possibly the last thing I want right now.

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