This war is noise.

Felt like posting today.
July 29, 2011, 3:01 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

I think I had a bit of a rough time with counselling today.

From trying to figure out what I feel.

To dealing with the first real time I’ve ever disappointed myself.

I got far more upset talking about it than I thought I would.

I’ve shut myself off from trying to feel anything relating to when I was growing up.

And I dont really know how Im supposed to get it back to deal with it.

I mean you literally spend your time being different people to other different people.

And she asked if I could spot a fake, or if I thought other people could.

Honestly? I dont think so.

People see what they want to see. They’ll take what you tell them if it suits them.

Regardless of who you are or what you’re really feeling.

No one gives a fuck enough to get beneath the surface.

I also didnt answer exactly how I wanted to about where I live.

I dont hate the place, I hate the people, and how they operate it.

My perception at least.

Everything about life around me always seems stuck.

And I feel like the one chance I had to change that, has already gone sometimes.

Im only 22, really shouldnt be feeling that way.

I dunno what I should feel.

I wish I was different so often.

My life, my parents.

My perception.

I dunno if I’ll ever function like Im meant to.

Like whats healthy and normal and nice and happy.

Instead of being stressed, tired, sad and scared.

Instead of being alone.

And feeling like I have to be.