This war is noise.

I think I actually tried?
December 11, 2011, 3:34 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

..and I think its failed.

Not worked out.

Ever since I’ve got ill, I havnt made any irl friends, and most of them instantly faded away, which was alot to do with timing and stuff too, but yeah, it happened.

And although it was really hard, because they all knew eachother beforehand and stuff, I feel like I have tried, at least with two girls that go to the a few of the same classes as me…and that its kinda failed.

Part of me feels like blaming this third girl, because I dont really gel with her, and kinda go into myself a bit when shes around, and when shes there, I dont really get talked to much either.

Almost like they subconsciously pick her over me? But Im fairly sure its not as sinister as that.

Its just me I guess.

Think its annoying me a little because I have no friends and its this time of year, where you’d have people to send cards to and get them from etc and I’ll be helping my mum with hers, and usually help my nanny too.

And I’ll have no one to.

Its sounds really dramatic to get upset over but I think it just emphasised the fact that Im still pretty isolated, despite all the progress Im making.

Then I start to question whether it is real progress and just get more upset.

I really wish things were different.

If I cant meet anyone through the one thing I do go to, because I cant go out and drink or whatever, and dont have something like school or a job to make friends, then am I really just to be alone all the time?