This war is noise.

March 2, 2013, 2:00 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

I really love the sentiment of this video.

As a person that suffers from depression and anxiety, I can relate to the stories for the most part entirely.

The part I unfortunately can not relate to is the endings to their stories.

Their talk of hope and love and support is great, and I am genuinely happy for them that they had/have it.

But it is not the same for me.

When it became common knowledge of my condition[s], no one cared, barely acknowledged and no one treats me any differently or any better.

Not that Im saying everyone should have been rolling out the red carpet and treating me like some fragile precious thing.

But when it alot of the time goes the other way, where I almost feel worse off than I even was, it makes me alot less hopeful.

I seem to really only have myself. And that is difficult.

Its something that my counsellor does make me very aware of, which I know logically to be true, but at the same time I think its just so unfair. Because it always has been me this whole time, and thats seemingly how it has to be for the foreseeable future, I find that so hard to look forward to. So hard to aim for.

Cos if that is really all there is, then what is the point?

You work hard, and still end up alone.

That just doesnt make sense.

Work hard, and be the only one that cares.

Cos no one cares if I get better. No one cared that I needed help before.

I had to do it all myself.

And still do.

The longer my life continues, the less people I have, and seemingly the less Im likely to have.

I try so hard not to burden any of my friends with any of my thoughts or feelings on how things are.

Keep things light and free and easy. And if things do get dark occasionally, then its only temporary.

But my actions still at times must reflect it.

And I guess Im just left with nobody wants me.

Nobody wanted me then.

Nobody wants me now.

And nobody will want me when or if I can get better.