This war is noise.

I miss it.
July 6, 2015, 5:50 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

I miss having someone truly treasure my heart.

I miss having people value my mind.

I miss having in jokes and deep conversations.

Or just silly meaningless conversations.

I wish a few years ago I really actively appreciated how much that all meant to me, now that I am so isolated.

After being ill, and being forcefully separated from irl friends, and then life stuff happening and growing up separating me from my online friends, and people in my family that I’d have been close to passing away, and other people in my family pretty impossible to relate to on anything other than a surface level, I feel rather lost as to how to reconnect to anything.

Though I suppose I can’t blame myself for not being prepared, no one really should be preparing in the event of everyone just disappearing bar the people that live with you pretty much.

I’m not feeling the usual devastated about it right now, just a bit sad, because I miss it.

Growing up really isn’t working out for me so well, so at least that kinda adds merit to my fear and disdain I’ve had in regard to ageing since entering my 20s.

I also think though that alot of people my age end up feeling this way, especially if the plans they made when they were a teenager havn’t panned out, or things have went wrong, major life stuff has happened and they are now in a position that was previously unimaginable. Inconceivable.

I’ve reached out a little in the hopes of a response. I do miss you.

I suppose with things how they are with another person in my life, trying to put more effort into reconnecting with those friends is probably a good idea.

And the creepy thing is they just signed on as soon as I finished that sentence. WEIRD.

Anyway, just needed all of this to leave my mind and hopefully let me sleep.

As its almost 7am and I am yet to, unfortunately.


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