This war is noise.

“They painted up your secrets…
July 19, 2015, 2:10 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

…with the lies they told to you,

and the least they ever gave you,

was the most you ever knew.”

So after my first full conversation, I see how right I was. We’re still those people who are friends. I had a hint of anxiety that wouldn’t be the case once we started talking outside of emails, but its totally there.

And now I’m thinking about all these different things we both experienced in the past, and then all the things I have experienced since we’ve stopped talking and how so much has changed. And yet things about me haven’t with my illness and stuff and that makes me sad a bit. I read through some blog posts from when I started this, and he was part of my normal life then. And I was so full of hope that I wouldn’t be like I am now. That I wouldn’t still be unwell, and stuck in this life I’m so fundamentally unhappy with. I feel like so much of my life is complaint ridden. Which is why I feel like I can’t talk about it with other people, so its here and counselling. And him, though I immediately feel like such an emo when I go through everything. Its like get to the good partttttttttttt lol. And then it doesn’t come! xD

Ah I dunno. I’m so glad he’s back though, and is willing to put effort in.

I’ve not had that for so long.

That also puts into perspective how things are with other people.

It needs to change, badly. Otherwise I feel alone anyways, so they may as well be removed from my life.

I’m never going to feel better about people if I keep people who treat me badly around.

Regardless of who they are, and how things once were.

Shit needs to get reallll.


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