This war is noise.

My timing is off.
June 9, 2017, 2:20 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

I’m currently feeling very isolated.

I’m actually putting my thoughts here after attempts to talk to people about how I’m currently feeling. I feel like no one wants to talk to me or is interested. I try to put those thoughts away and then I get more evidence of it when I reach out. Whats just as bad is no one is reaching out to me. Its starting to really affect me moodwise and even healthwise. I’m having a lot of trouble sleeping, even though I’m very tired and sore. When I do sleep, I dread when I wake up again. And then when I check my phone and social media, another day of nothing directed to me.

Its been 2 full weeks since I’ve heard from him, this too made worse by actually seeing him sign on last night for a brief minute or too, with no attempt to leave me anything to explain why I’ve heard nothing, and then no emails or anything followed either.

I tried starting up a conversation with my cousin, as It’d been 3 weeks or so since the last and I’d recently decided to visit her this summer, finally go someplace on my own, and after two replies she went quiet. It makes me feel unwanted. It also makes me question whether I should go or not. I dont want to go there if I’m not actually wanted. Like I’m here thinking it’d be nice for me to go to her for a change as shes normally the one visiting me, and also have the change of going by myself, to somewhere I’ve never been and experience new things, but then I just start wondering am I setting myself up for failure?

Maybe I should move my counselling appointments back to weekly for a little bit, as I’m just starting to feel bad a lot of the time, especially at night when I’m alone to think about everything.

I really hope this changes soon.


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