This war is noise.


Almost a week later…oops.
June 24, 2018, 1:19 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

But I am here and present!

Today felt long, but in a good way for a change. With it being the 23rd of June [up until almost 2 hours ago] and watching a video about Selene 6.23, I was very mindful of night and wanting to go out and see the moon tonight, and Jupiter! The skies were pretty clear and all the stars were visible, but Jupiter was definitely more obviously bright and there.

Not as large as in the picture example in the video as it depends where in the world you are of course how you see it but yeah, worth watching the video if you’re at all interested.

My brother got officially engaged today, which feels a bit weird saying lol especially since hes younger than me, and my other cousin the same age as me is getting married very soon so I feel like I’ll soon be the only single person in my family lol. I am happy for him though, and thankfully this is not one of the events that triggers the sadness reaction from me.

I’m finally making some progress getting my sleep pattern worked out, though in saying that it is past 2am right now as I type this so its not a done deal yet x] I have noticed this pain I’ve had around my collar bone and almost into my chest though has lessened now that I’ve finally had at least one decent night’s sleep at a reasonable time. I plan on sleeping soon though as I am pretty tired and dont want to lose the little bit of progress I’ve made x]

I dont have much else going on in my head right now as I am all filled with need for sleep/Jonghyun thoughts so I will go sleep and definitely not take almost a week to next post.

Hope all is well [:

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Begin again.
June 18, 2018, 10:40 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

So here I am returning to blogging as I previously said I would be.

On the 6th month anniversary of Jonghyun’s passing.

I seen a beautiful crescent moon when I went to let Ruby out for the last time tonight, and I thought of him. I have always found it easier to form fond connections to musicians and people who’s thoughts and opinions I admire than to people I can actually interact with on a daily basis, I think there are a few reasons for this – my love of music before anything else, the ability to get to know more about someone without making yourself vulnerable to the same thing, and also inferring stories and feelings from the things they express that you feel are the same as yours. I find it almost impossible now, as an adult, to make any connection to people like that. I would like that to change, of course.

I have been so inspired by him that I wanted to return to documenting and reflecting on things, which I have got out of the habit of doing. As I said before, I feel like I’m either about to or I have started going through some sort of change in my life and I want to have access to how I think and feel right now, before I’d lose it once whatever happens becomes normal for me.

SHINee are doing so well in their comeback, there is so much other good new music all coming out right now which has also been inspiring.

I go from that though to feeling either tired, sad or both. And the thing bringing about these emotions currently, I almost feel like I’m not meant to feel that way about. Other peoples progress and positivity has been making me sad, which sounds awful to say, but when you feel stuck a lot of the time, its hard to shift that spotlight that then forms on yourself in your mind, highlighting the fact that you’re not doing as well, things for you arent good, you’re not the same. And it doesnt come from a place of jealousy, I am happy for the people that are having positive stuff happening, or being happy, I know it is completely a side effect that I give myself because I cant say the same for me right now.

I’m really wanting to focus on changing that, making things better for myself, because I definitely dont want to feel this way.

I hope all is well.



Feeling better about this summer.
June 15, 2018, 2:45 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

It’s been a while since I could say that I’m feeling somewhat positive about a period of time.

I feel like I’ve done some real work emotionally on myself the last few months and I’m beginning to benefit from it now. Especially with all this new good music coming out atm, how could I not absorb a little of the happy xD

SHINee’s comeback is going so well, Dreamcatcher are my new girl group jam, Ash are back, Ghost are back, State Champs are back, Blossoms are back, Pale Waves new song just came out, I mean it seems like the world is more alive to me right now.

I’ve decided from the 18th of this month onwards, I want to write regularly, everday hopefully, until at least the end of the year. I feel like I’m in the middle of some sort of change and I want to remember how it felt going through it when it eventually becomes the new normal. I read somewhere that when your age ends in a 9, it is often a year of change where you are more likely to sort out your “house”, clean out what you need to and pursue new things, or finally do things you’ve been putting off or are afraid of, and I actually think that could be the case.

I hope all is well with you, whoever manages to find and read this [:

You should for sure check out SHINee’s new single below.