This war is noise.


So warm.
July 23, 2018, 4:05 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

This summer has already been far too warm and I just seen they are threatening an amber warning for a heatwave again, like hellllllllll no save us pale people from this wrath of global warming! WHO SERIOUSLY can deny this now? I dont remember a summer so bad – apart from that one freak one a few years back where fans literally went out of stock for a while –  since summers for me began lol. The weather could also stay like this going into August, I mean I cant. I cant even enjoy this summer because it is uncomfortable to do anything between the heat and humidity. Like you plan to go on longer walks with your dog, go out more in general, maybe catch up with people, but when you leave the front door there is a real chance you’ll just actually expire.

And of course when its too warm, and my dog could literally lie anywhere, she wants to lie on me. And then lets off. SAVE ME.

I know I’m still not great about updating this but I am trying. Things either get busy, or I havent been too well, as my sleep and stuff has been affected too. When there actually was a breath of air, I tried getting a couple things done and then my back got super mad at me. All this while trying to stay positive. Which I am for the majority, I really am because I have been pretty inspired lately by stuff I’m reading and watching and listening to. I’m also getting a visit from my cousin next month which is something positive to look forward to. I just feel the need to vent about the weather right now because it is so uncomfortable currently, and was the same last night. Like people are dying in Japan with the heat, it is no joke.

I know everyone does this, but I really always do – I cant wait for Autumn/Winter time lol really envying Australia right now. As a winter baby, despite how the cold negatively affects my back, I would rather wrap up and try to keep warm all the time than deal with this.

Weather rant now officially over xD

The washing machine was fixed ;D but the dishwasher is done, so we’re saving for a new one. Babies seem to be everywhere, a guy I went to school with just had his first son, a girl I went to school with his having her 5th very soon and my best friend through highschool just revealed she is pregnant last night. I guess as you approach 30, everyone who hasnt already [or has but is still adding lol] is getting ready to drop a kid. I definitely feel ready to get into a serious relationship – if and when that opportunity ever arises lol – but I dunno about kids, sometimes I think having a dog is too much lol. My brother being engaged now and planning to move out next year is now forcing me a bit to consider what I’m doing with my life a bit more, with more immediacy. There has been this childish part of my mind that has been hoping I will win lottery and be able to secure things the way I want before having to make big life decisions.

TBC

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Bloody washing machine.
July 6, 2018, 11:24 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

So…few weeks…yeah I’m a bit slow in getting back into the way of doing this. I am not giving up though. Just obviously not in the habit yet x]

Ruby turned 2 on Wednesday, I was in full good form, wasn’t too sore waking up reasonably early after the last few weeks having some issues sleeping with pain/the heat etc. Then the washing machine noped. In summer. In unreasonable temperatures for a summer here, in the middle of the switch between phases of a cycle [though thankfully a convenient one, rinse had just finished and it was on spin and drain] so I had it drain a few times before having to manually squeeze out the clothes and put them through 2 rounds of the dryer. Then when we called the guy that deals with our white appliances…annual leave until the 9th. D: Thankfully my aunt is going to let me use her machine tomorrow, and then hopefully on Monday we’ll get him early and he will actually appear that day with either a part, or less fortunately but necessary, a new machine.

I had a bit of a difficult counselling session at the beginning of the week, though I think it was necessary. I’ve been considering lately a lot about my issues around anxiety and control and exploring that in my head and how I act. Being as self aware as possible is always the first step so definitely closer to being there x] I’m also becoming more aware of how much difficulty I have connecting with my emotional inner self in front of people. Which I think is a big part of why I seem so very emotional and desperate in a lot of my writing and thought cycles because it never gets expressed any other way. I feel like as a kid I was better at it, especially with singing, but when I hit about 14-15, I all of a sudden became very self conscious as I was afraid of people assuming or figuring out almost how I was feeling or how I felt about something if they seen me sing about it. It felt too vulnerable. I also had a difficult thing emotionally happen at the same time too, a particularly significant argument with my father [who has been dead now 6 years] where he said pretty much the last thing he could have to upset me because I’d become so numb to anything else he’d usually say. Its strange but actually acknowledging this and working through how I felt and why I felt it, and how it has affected me up until this point, is actually helping me feel better.

I’m having very vivid dreams lately, which is nice, I enjoy those kinds of dreams. I think its kinda a shame for people who stop dreaming almost altogether, or people who have a lot of unpleasant or nightmare type dreams. I’ve been very lucky that way, so if I can put a positive spin on today, in making sure to notice one positive thing to be grateful for, is my positive vivid dreams.

Hope all is well [: